All the places I can't reach

I find it amusing how you sometimes find yourself saying I want this, but then when you look back on times when you had something like it, you think twice. I think overall, I'm scared to be in a relationship again. I feel like I've wanted one for sometime now, but now looking at it from a different view, I'm extremely hesitant. I don't want to make more mistakes, nor do I want to settle for anything less than what I have my heart set on. I'm done seeking, finally. I'll wait until I am seeked.

Go to the ends of the earth for you

I put so much effort into something, and for what? For you to just walk out of my life? You're an amazing person with such a genuine soul, and for the past year or so you've made an incredible impact on my life. You're leaving soon, and I don't know what I'm gonna do with out you being a 45 minute drive away. No matter, because 8 hours is a drive I'm willing to make for you. It's been an odd roller coaster ride, but it's been one i'll never forget. You're one of the only people I can truly rely on no matter what the circumstances are. You've become a big part of my life, and even though I may not mean the same to you, this is all the impact you've made on me. Fingers are crossed, that everything will stay the same. At the same time, I have a feeling in my gut saying it won't. You're just, simply awsome. That's all I can say.

Only 7 days left, then begins the first step towards the next stage in my life. Im apprehensive, yet anxious. If only the real world was as easy as high school, but it is far from it. Im apprehensive because i've finally become used to the way things are, but anxious because i need a new environment. I need to meet new people, like if they haven't seen me in a while, they will take time out of their day to play catch up. Im moving on with high expectations but expecting the worst. I guess we will see what happens.

Cupid stuck me with a SICKNESS.

I give up. Really, because what is the point in having hope when all signs point to NOTHING GOOD WILL COME. It's false hope. It's a lie. I have nothing to hold on for anymore, I was just too ignorant to realize it. Too busy HOPING. What is the point of hope really? When really, hope is what destroys us all. What I do believe, is proof, and facts. Thats a problem of mine. I take words and twist them, taking a rejection and forming it into FALSE hope. I'm too tall, too YOUNG, not pretty enough, not THIN enough, the list goes on. I can think of 100 different flaws in myself, and turn them into an excuse. THE THING IS, I shouldn't have to make excuses! Even when I'm in a situation full of them, I don't give up, I continue to work around the fact that I'm making excuses or the fact that I should have given up a long time ago. THOSE are the facts I need to take to heart. I'm sick of letting myself get this far, EVEN WHEN I know it all ends the same way. Always. So here I am, hands in the sky. I give up again, because if I just continued feeling the way I do now, I would just be a pathetic victim of false hope. Again.

Do you want love or do you want fame?

Being involved is overrated.
I dont think I've ever been this stressed out in my life. I dont ask for help because I can't rely on other people to get the job done, even though it might be a little easier on myself, In a way it just adds more stress because I have to worry about if the job is getting done. This is what I get for wanting to change the world.




The first step on the long stressful journey ahead of me.

On and on and on

people are changing

more often than seasons it seems

to remember when you used to know somebody

and with the blink of an eye you know nothing about them

it's not always by choice that you lose touch

everyone is so caught up living their own lives

the one short spand of time we each individually get

that keeping up with someone else's becomes more difficult as time progresses

If only the feeling was mutual,to be met half way rather to run the entire distance alone

but everyone only has one life and maybe half-way is too much to ask for

One of those nights

I feel alone in this little world tonight. Chick flicks I think are designed to make the single-population of the world depressed. I feel like I've been slam-dunked back into reality, with the realization that nothing and nobody lasts forever.

I'm begging you for mercy.